FED UP [i]


It was 8pm and the neighborhood was noisy as usual. Loud music coming from a bar not too far away added to the noise mix. Oblivious of the noise in her neighborhood, Mabel sat on her toilet seat in her combined toilet and bathroom, with her head bowed over her chest. She was deep in thought. A lot had gone wrong in her life within a short space of time and she was fed up.  After a while, she raised her head and looked at all the suicide options laid out in front of her. The bottle of drugs intended to be taken in overdose was open with a cup of water beside it; the knife was beside them incase she decided to slit somewhere and bleed to death; the rope was close by in case she made up her mind where to tie it. She had carefully laid out all these options so she could make up her mind which method would be easier. Her life was a mess and she was ready to end it.
  “I can’t bear this anymore,” she said to herself and sighed.
                She got up and went to the suicide materials. She touched each of them, thinking which to use and which would end the pain in her heart quickly. She made up her mind and took the bottle of drugs. She opened it, poured the drugs into her left hand, and took the cup of water with her right hand. She opened her mouth with her left hand over it to pour in the drugs, and then she stopped. She couldn’t get herself to drink it. Thoughts of her mother and sister flashed through her mind.
  “What will they think of me?” she thought. ‘What will they do?’
                She dropped the drugs and cup of water and sat on the floor, sobbing profusely with her head bowed downwards. She sobbed for a while, and then thoughts of her miserable life and the recent incident crossed her mind again. She raised her head, wiped her eyes with the back of her right hand and took the drugs again. This time her mind was made up. As she was about taking the drugs, she heard a knock on her door. She ignored the knock till she heard her name.
  “Mabel...Mabel,” someone called and knocked on her door.
                It was her younger sister; Cynthia. When she heard her sister’s voice, every desire to kill herself disappeared but she still did not get up from the floor. Her sister kept knocking on the door and calling her name. She got up, washed her face, hid the suicide materials and went out of the bathroom to answer the door. She got to the door and stood for a while wondering whether to open it as she was sure her sister would find out what she had tried to do. She sighed and opened the door.
  “Mabel, what’s wrong with you?” Cynthia said. “I have been trying your line since but you did not pick till it became ‘switched off’”
                Mabel just stood there and stared into space. She couldn’t pretend all was well. Cynthia was surprised that Mabel did not respond. She came closer and saw that her sister had been crying.
  “Oh Mabby, what’s wrong again?” Cynthia asked.
                Mabel broke down and wept. Cynthia put her hand over Mabel’s shoulder and drew her closer.  They stood like that for a while.
  “Whatever is the matter,” she said to Mabel. “It will be fine ok.”  
                After standing for a while, Cynthia held Mabel by the hand and pulled her to the bed and they sat down.
  “Tell me. What is the problem this time?”

                Mabel couldn’t get herself to say anything. She just stared into space.


(...to be continued) 
Nedu Isaac

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